After some clumsy attempts on msn spaces, I trusted in google-power and came here. I'm currently trying the features of blogger so it will take time to establish a home page. Settle back and wait for the rest of the movie - have fun...
After a storm of emotional impacts I finally started to step on solid foot. To get rid of this pain I tried approaching every aspect of my life with a more logical and clear way allowing no emotions (yes, it helps a lot). This became a test of my soul looking for an equilibrium/stability in my life. I tried many things looking for a solution but life has its way of cause-correcting. I took every shot that came along / even the ones that I didn’t even knew I was capable of. I’ve no regret how I felt for but life at some point reminds me… shows me what I’m inside this shell.
Besides, this shielded loneliness brings up many questions. For example “how I wanted my life to be?” –-- “A life that I didn’t have any uncertainties, which means I had great understanding of my past/present/future, so that I could shape my future” … I think I’ve heard you say “You’re a control freak lunatic”. That might be true but that is who I’m – try at your own risk. If you’ve a slight intention of taking me serious, you might also ask… does this really work? If there are no surprises in life there is no taste and bla bla… The answer is that, I’m aware that I can’t take every variable in control but even leaving them on their own and at minimum planning for the possible outcomes gives you relief.
OK. Still holding on? Hehe not for long =) you will think I’m insane when you heard “how the girl, I want to share my life with, should be?” except from being beautiful, loving, kind and soft of course =) “she should be understanding – understanding what the current situation means and accept a logical resolution, putting some spontaneous girlish wish that has no solid base and just desired coming from nowhere………… she should be clear – that she should know what she wants/needs and should always be able to tell the naked truth ……… she should have faith in me -that I’ll always want what is best for `us`”. Ok I’m one step closer to freak from freakish.
At this point I lived in a limited world in which the limits are my consciousness. I’ve no regrets what I’ve done or will … I did what I was good at; I sought for the next step and followed the path my mind shaped.
Change number 1 – don’t loose hope.... but don’t expect anything... be prepared...
